Be an example

Simone:

The breeze caused my dress to flutter around me and my curls to caress my face. I smiled as I closed my eyes and inhaled the scent of the flowers surrounding me. It was my wedding day… a day I never thought would come.

“Are you ready sis?” Brad asked softly. I opened my eyes and turned around. My brothers Brad and Jamie stood on the bridge with smiles on their faces.

I nodded and said, “Of course I am! I can’t believe you came Brad. It’s been forever, how are the boys?” I asked with a smile as I pushed my curls out of my face. Brad had married a few years ago and then surprised us with twin boys.  My mother completely doted on them and begged Brad to move back home but he refused.  Though he and the boys, Ethan and Allen visited often. My brother Jamie still checked in on our mother every week while Skye and I planned our wedding.

Brad chuckled and said, “They are great, just excited to be the ring bearers for their favorite Aunt.”

I smiled and said, “I’m their only Aunt.”

I gathered up my dress and began to walk toward my brothers. Though as I took a step I heard my brothers gasp. I turned around to see what happened.

“Hello Simone.” my father said softly as I walked toward me.

“What are you doing here?” I sneered as I walked toward him. Jamie grabbed my arm and pulled me toward him as Brad dealt with my father. I could hear them arguing as I walked with Jamie toward the altar to marry Skye.

Eight months later….

“What is going on with mom Ry?” I asked softly as I rubbed my belly. My brothers all asked me to meet them at our mother’s house. I came as fast I could and wasn’t surprised when my brothers all were standing in the corridor waiting for me.

“It’s not looking good Simone. Not at all” Jamie said softly as he rubbed his chin.

“What is wrong with her Jamie? Ryan? Brad? Talk to me.” I questioned as I looked at all of them.

“The doctor’s aren’t sure why but her heart is failing Simone. It’s almost as if her heart has given up. Nothing seems to be enough to interest her. We don’t know what to do.”Jamie said softly. His piercings glittered in the sunlight as his eyes met mine. He smiled sadly as he turned away and stared at a family portrait. It was taken  of us all at the beach decades ago when our parents actually loved each other.

I ran my fingers through my curly hair as I searched for answers. I couldn’t think what to do or what to say to my mother. My brothers all stared at me, waiting for me to say something…to do something…to guide them.

I sighed and rubbed my swollen belly as I spoke. “If our mother…chooses not to go on…if she chooses to let life leave her by…if she chooses to let our father’s choices guide her own…then let her.”

Jamie yelled, “What the hell are you talking about Simone? We can’t just give up on her!”

Brad grabbed a bottle of scotch from the cabinet and chugged it.

Ryan crossed his arms and leaned against the wall with his head down as he spoke. His eyes never left his leather boots as he spoke, “Simone is right guys. Our mother gave up living a long time ago. Our father was not only her husband he was her savior. Or have you both forgotten the story of how he saved her life as a young girl. He made her feel special and gave her a zest for life when he married her. Many people don’t know who our mother was before our father saved her. She was a tattooed orphaned rebel who drank and partied everyday. Our father gave her someone to trust and love…then he ripped that away.”

We all sat in silence as Ryan’s words hit us. I rubbed my belly in small circles as I glanced upstairs to where our mother lay resting. I could never imagine how she felt…to be alone your whole life and then to finally have someone love you. I could never imagine giving one person that power over me. I found myself wondering how could my mother be so weak to let our father have such control over her will to live. I continually rubbed my stomach as my mind ran with memories of my childhood.

“Why aren’t we enough for her? Why would she just give us up…give up living?” Jamie said with tears in his eyes. Brad patted his back as he said, “Because we aren’t children anymore Jamie. She doesn’t feel we need her. Simone you are going to have children and you have a family. Jamie you are living your life in LA and making your name in the industry. Ryan you are engaged to a man you love and are going to adopt a baby soon. I have a family that I pamper and love. Who does our mother have at the end of the day? Who will ease her tears when she sobs at night? Our calls and scattered visits do not ease her broken heart and they never will.”

“She could find someone else damn it! She is weak!” I sneered.

Ryan glared at me as he uncrossed his arms and said, “Love does not make you weak Simone. You need to put yourself in her position. As the heir to this fortune it is your duty to be an example for all of us. Do that Simone…stop putting yourself first and think of someone else.”

How dare Jamie say that!?

I grabbed my coat and stormed outside. I heard Brad yell for me but I refused to turn around as I got into my car and drove off. Screw this.

Laughter and Happiness

Simone:

“Hey sis, you seem weird lately. Over the past year you have been so mopey and sad.” Jamie whispered to me as we watched television. He had  moved home a few months ago when mom began getting ill. She hardly left her room anymore and spent all day in bed. The doctors all said she simply needed to be surrounded by family yet so far nothing helped. .

“I’m fine Jamie. I’m just tired from applying to jobs all day.” I said with a shrug. I gave him a quick smile and walked to the kitchen to make mom some soup. We often found the dinner plates untouched by the door but I kept hoping mom would snap out of this depression. I had no idea what had triggered my mom’s need for solitude but it broke our hearts.

As I poured the broth for the soup, I pondered about my mom. “Jamie why do you think mom is so sad? It came out of nowhere.” I looked over at Jamie and waited for his answer.

Jamie ran his fingers through his hair and sighed. “Simone, you didn’t know about the interview?”

I stopped stirring and stared at my brother. “What interview?”

Jamie glared at the television as he said,” The interview a few months ago with Dad. The police found tons of evidence linking dad to over hundreds of unsolved murders. They have been saying he had something to do with it. Yet so far they haven’t been able to prove anything.”

“WHAT? DAD…They think our dad is a murderer!” I hissed.

“Shh! Quiet down! Yes, that is what they are insinuating. Though that isn’t what got mom so upset. It was when the reporter said afterwards, ” how have you handled the news that the body of your child Leon was found several weeks ago? Mother was upset because no one had ever notified her.” Jamie whispered.

“Leon, who? What brother named Leon?” I asked.

Jamie shook his head before coming over to me. “He was our older brother Simone, he died as a baby. It almost tore our mother and father apart when he was taken. Our brother Ryan helped our parents to recover but mom always hoped they would find him.

A lost brother….killed as a child? I tried to recall all of the stories our mother and grandmother had told us…I couldn’t recall a story of a brother named Leon. I looked up towards the ceiling and sighed. It all made sense now why mom had become so depressed. You didn’t find out everyday that your long lost child was killed as a baby and your ex husband may be a murderer.

A few months later…

Ding Dong. The doorbell chimed as I had just checked on mom. She had begun to make progress and now atleast came out of her room sometimes. Though she hadn’t spoken a word in months.

I padded toward the door as the doorbell continued to ring. “HOLD ON”, I screamed to the door. When I opened it I gasped.

“Hello Simone.” He said with a smile.

“What… how did you find me?” I whispered.

“Syke?” I whispered.

“I go by Skye now…it easier to put on job applications.” Sykes said with a chuckle.

“Skye what are you doing here?” I asked softly.

“I need to know Simone. Do you really feel nothing for me? For two years I have thought about you…I thought about that day over and over. I need to know…I need to know if you feel anything even after all this time. If not…I’ll leave you alone and never return.” Skye said softly as he held my hand.

“Um… I” I began to stutter. The front door slammed open as Jamie sauntered out.

“Just tell him how you feel you big dummy. I am tired of seeing you walking around like a zombie. Nice to finally meet you Skye. You took forever to arrive, you should have been here days ago!” Jamie said with a smile as he gave Skye a hug.

I gasped.. “Jamie, you brought him here?” Jamie nodded as he pushed me into Skye’s arms.

“I-…I have missed you Skye. ” I said softly as I hugged him. I could feel him move closer to me as he kissed my forehead. For the first time in months…I felt happy.

……..

“Is this the last of your stuff Simone?” Skye asked as he heaved another box into our crowded living room. We had moved in together a few weeks ago. It took months of us dating before I agreed to move in. Jamie had found an aide to move in with mom and check on her. She hadn’t been the same and the doctors all said she needed someone to take care of her full time.

“I don’t have that many boxes babe!” I squealed as I struggled with a box myself. I almost tripped until Skye caught me.

“Not that many huh?” Skye teased as he grabbed the box from me and placed it on the floor.

I grabbed him and gave him a kiss.

“I love you sweetheart.” I said with a smile as I pulled away.

“Same here my love. Now let’s ‘settle in’. Skye said as he pulled me close.

“Sure…” I said with a wink as I ran up the stairs. Skye chuckled as he raced after me. This would be our life together…filled with laughter and happiness.

 

 

Is it worth it

Simone:

Syke and I began officially dating and it was great. He was such a sweetheart to me and always made sure I stayed on top of my classes. I often struggled to do my homework when I didn’t ask Syke for help. I was never good at school and often had the help of tutors as a child to maintain my grades.

Once I applied to college I had vowed to not hire anyone to help me. Though when presentations, essays and quizzes began to be too much for me, I was grateful to have Syke.

——

“What made you want to date me Syke? I mean everyone else on campus was gossiping that I was a snob before I even set foot on campus. Why were you so sure?” I asked as I ran my fingers through my cropped highlighted hair.

Syke chuckled as I leaned over and looked at me. “I have never been one to listen to idle gossip love. Something about you intrigued me Simone and I am happy I listened to my instincts.”

I grinned as I reached over and kissed him. As we were about to go further my phone rang. I sighed as I looked at the screen and saw my mother’s name. I ignored the worries that ran through my mind. Ever since I left home, I worried incessantly about my mother. She had no one at home to check in on her. Ryan promised to call her atleast once a week and I tried to call once a month. Though ever since I met Syke, I kept forgetting to call.

Syke smiled and hopped off the bed as I began to talk to my mother. She ranted about the gossip the tabloids printed about Lora and my dad. I calmed her fears and angry rants as Syke worked on his homework. I found myself smiling as I studied him. He was artistic and had a serious side to him that seemed wise beyond his years. We often discussed politics, issues and other topics that no one had ever spoken to me about. People had always felt I was too ditzy to have an opinion. At college, I was free to be my own person.

Syke encouraged me to be myself no matter the consequences.

Two years at college flew by….I passed my finals and my grades came in quickly afterwards.  When I saw that I had not only graduated but I had made high honors, I couldn’t contain my smile. The first person I called was Syke and he told me that he knew I could do it. We spent the last week of college visiting drive in movies and going to parties. It wasn’t until I was packing my things for home that it hit me….I might never see Syke again. A man who had made me smile again and who had made me feel accepted. I wasn’t ready to say good-bye.

“My mother sent a driver to come get me. He should be here in an hour.” I mumbled as I looked at my hands.

“So…when will I see you again Simone? You haven’t spoken about what happens when we go home.” Syke said softly as he stared at me.

I looked up and stared into his intense blue eyes. “Syke…you don’t know what it is like back home. My home….isn’t a normal home. It’s basically a mansion with paparazzi at every entrance. My brothers basically ran away and left me with my mother. A mother who was left broken hearted by my douche father. A father who has a daughter with his mistress and they all live only 20 minutes away. It’s chaos…it’s a mess.” I said softly. As I felt the tears burning my eyes, I stared at my boots as the tears began to fall.

“Simone..” Syke said softly and began to take a step toward me. I turned away as he stroked my cheek. His hand was cold against mine and I shivered slightly. I knew Syke was a vampire…he had told me months ago. I didn’t care but I worried if my fame would expose his secret. I stared at Syke for a long while.Was it worth it? If I brought him back home…the paparazzi would eventually expose him. Could I put Syke in that position?

I pushed Syke away and ran toward the limo sent to pick me up. I could hear Syke screaming my name but I refused to stop. I couldn’t do this…I couldn’t…

Overwhelmed

I apologize for the delay in posting and am so sorry! I hope to get on a regular posting schedule and thank you for reading!

Simone:

After my parents’ divorce, my mother immersed herself in sculpting. I would come home from school and see the door to her workshop shut. My brothers and I knew better than to interrupt her when she was “creating”. I think she simply wanted to hit things and bang on things. I especially became antsy when she began to use a chainsaw to sculpt ice. Though my brother Jamie simply shrugged whenever I mentioned my concerns about our mother’s solitary behavior. She had once been so smothering we would sneak off to escape her. Now we had to bang on the door for hours before she would open it.

The press constantly surrounded our house asking for interviews or comments from my mother. My brothers and I had a bodyguard who helped us to avoid the paparazzi. Eventually the media stopped following us to school and began to focus on my father. The tabloids began to post pictures of him and his mistress, Lora. My brothers and I hid the magazines from our mother so she didn’t have to be reminded of my father’s …indiscretions. Though it all was in vain when the paparazzi reported that our father and his mistress now had a daughter,  Brenda Thomas. It was not long afterwards that my father filed for divorce from our mother and married Lora. The paperwork for the divorce was delivered via carrier and the poor man was shaking by the time he left. My mother’s rant and curses echoed as she ripped the papers to shreds. The delivery man had to re-deliver the documents so that my mother could sign them.

My mother refused to acknowledge that our half-sister existed. Though when the family lawyers announced to us that our inheritance may be in jeopardy due to our new half sibling,  my mother lashed out. She immediately called my father to give him a piece of her mind but her calls went to voice mail. It was at that moment that my mother told the lawyers she wanted everything to be put into one of our names. The house and cars were still under my father’s name and my mother was terrified that he would kick us out.

It was a vicious legal battle and my father almost refused to acknowledge us. He made statements to the press that his child with Lora was a child of love unlike my brothers and myself. He stated that my mother was nothing but a woman he had felt sorry for. I could see the pain and anger on my mother’s face as she watched the television screen. My father was standing by his mistress as he spoke. I noticed my half sibling in Lora’s arms, she mostly resembled her mother. The child was only 3 months old but already I hated her. My brothers and I had to speak in front of a judge. My mother had to defend her marriage and her actions to the judge about her fight to keep us from our bastard father. We listened as Lora spoke about her marriage to my father. I muttered curses as Lora spoke about how devoted my father was to his family. It was when my father finally spoke in front of the judge that the whole room was quiet. I sat by my mother’s side holding her hand as my father spoke. My brothers stood in the back of the courtroom glaring at Lora and Brenda.

It took months before the judge finally stated that Lora’s child would be too young to be considered an heiress. Instead he asked our father to pick one of his “other children”. My father assessed each of us for several moments before saying, “I feel it may be time for a woman to lead this family once again. I have caused enough pain…enough heartache and I am truly a troubled person. Maybe my daughter, Simone can help this family to heal.” All eyes were on me as he said my name. My mother beamed as she looked at me and I couldn’t help the shock that came over my face. I was an heiress!

Four years later….

It took only weeks for my father to transfer many of the family accounts to my name. At 18 years old I became ridiculously rich and of course overwhelmed by it all. I wanted my mother to help me but she was a wreck after the divorce. It was my brother Ryan who helped me manage the accounts.

“Simone, I finally got a job as a fashion designer. They are giving me a shot to show off my designs in the city!” Ryan squealed. I smiled despite the panic I felt, I would miss my older brother. He had been the one sibling to stay home and help me watch over mom and the family accounts. Once we graduated college Jamie and Brad had moved across country.

We only heard from them through Skype chats and postcards. Mom missed them and often asked them to come visit but they never did. Ryan had been taking online classes at the fashion institute hoping to learn enough to be taken on by a company. He had completely changed his career goals after our parent’s divorce. When he was a child he had wanted to be a doctor and now he wanted nothing more than to design clothes. I was the one who wasn’t sure what to do. Everyone had a plan and had begun to live their lives while I was stuck.

It was when Jamie left that I decided to go back to school for my BA degree in Communications. I felt it would help me deal with the constant paparazzi. I had always felt uncomfortable speaking in front of people and hoped this might help me. It was difficult being in college because I had never been away from home. Though it was nice to finally be away from the paparazzi. In college, I simply was another student with a backpack. At first I was overwhelmed by my assignments and classes. The teachers were harder on me because they felt I was a spoiled heiress. My roommates at first were unsure of me because they weren’t sure what type of woman I would be. I tried hard to show everyone that I was simply a normal girl.The one person that seemed to make it easier was a guy name Syke.

I met him during my first week of college. He was a senior and was a communication major like myself. Syke helped me with assignments and let me know which professors were lenient. Our first semester together was filled with late nights studying and texting during classes. Syke seemed to always be asleep during the day so I only saw him at night. Though I knew after my first year back at college that I was in love with him. My roommates warned me that Syke had a reputation for being “shady”. Though none of that mattered to me…I was in love with him.

 

Secrets Told and Hearts Broken

Jake:

“Did you think I was stupid Jake? Did you?” Jo hissed as she glared at me.

“What are you talking about?” I asked. Could she finally know what kind of monster I am?  Did I leave a drop of blood on one my shoes? I was always careful, I always changed my clothes in the car. Did someone see me last night when I killed that homeless guy? Did I leave something behind at the crime scene? I torched the place and in this heat wave the fire should have torched everything.

“How long have you been cheating on me? How long and who is she?” Jo screamed with tears streaming down her cheeks.

Lora. Jo knew about Lora.

“Jo listen to me…” I began as  I put my hands up in front of me.

“No, you listen. I have been married to you for over fifteen years. I have given you five children.. Five! I have never forgotten Leon.. I have raised Brad, Ryan, Jamie and Simone to be beautiful people. You know nothing about them or how great they really are. You don’t know that Brad wants to be a special agent. Ryan wants to find a cure for cancer or save the world from some crazy disease. Jamie is struggling with dyslexia and is scared of how the other kids will treat him in high school. Simone loves fashion and gossip magazines more than her homework. Do you know anything about these kids? Do you know anything about this family?” Jo screamed.

I could see Simone and Jamie outside in the yard they were straining to see our argument. I turned to my left and saw a flash of blond hair in my mother’s old room. I knew Ryan and Brad were probably eavesdropping from that room. My family was falling apart around me. In that moment I wanted nothing more than to run far away. I wanted to escape the pain in Joanna’s face. The anger and hurt in her eyes made my heart feel as if it was being squeezed so tight I was gasping for air. I couldn’t think…I couldn’t think of something to make this better.

“Her name…is …Lora.” I gasped. As her name left my lips I felt the pain in my chest getting slightly better.

“All of those nights…that I begged you to be safe. All of those nights I asked you if you needed  me to bring you dinner to the station. You are a pig! You hated the way your mother emotionally abandoned you but yet you do it your children. You haven’t been the same since your mother died. This whore is helping you to escape your problems. You are Jacob Thomas, one of the richest men in the world. Your family’s history can be traced back to when this town was founded. Your mother was one of the most respected doctors in the country and your brother is one of the most respected police chiefs in the state.” Jo yelled.

“I don’t need a history lesson Jo…dammit. I know I screwed up. I know I hurt you okay I get it but think about it. When is the last time we made love that wasn’t based on the kids’ schedule. When was the last time our conversations weren’t based on homework scores, baseball games or PTA meetings? When?” I sneered.

 “I want you..out of our life Jake.” Jo said softly. She glared at me and I could hear the gasps of the boys from the other room.

“You can’t do that, I own this house.” I stated as I glared at her. How dare she try to take the house that my family’s money paid for? How dare she try to take my kids away?

“I think a judge would agree with me that you aren’t fit to be their father Jacob. I mean…why start now? I expect you to be out by the morning.” Jo said softly as she went upstairs and slammed the bedroom door behind her.

For once my hands didn’t shake….my mouth didn’t feel dry. Instead my knees gave out and I put my head in my hands and cried.

Simone:

“It is too bad that Ryan couldn’t make it to Seven Flags. He would have loved this!” I squealed as I boarded the bus with my brothers.

Brad shrugged and Jamie continued to listen to his A-Pod. I climbed the bus and took a seat next to Brad.

“Do you ever miss dad?” I said to no one in particular.

“Of course Simone, he’s our dad.” Brad said softly. I  nodded and stared out the window.

“I don’t. He shouldn’t have hurt mom like that. He’s a douche for sleeping with some random woman.” Jamie replied as he took off his headphones.

“People make mistakes Jamie, it happens. Mom should give him a chance.” Brad retorted.

“I don’t know. I miss him but it isn’t right. I read a lot of info the tabloid printed about her. They met at the courthouse when she ran into him. She went there to get possession of her grandmother’s house because she didn’t have a lot of money. I’m worried that she was just using dad. I heard he brought her a small house on the other side of town.” I said matter of factly.

“Well I think they both deserve each other. He shouldn’t be suing mom for custody of us because I don’t give a f*** about him.” Jamie replied and put his headphones back on.

Jamie:

I started high school a few weeks ago and it wasn’t at all what I expected. I had been worried that people would treat me weird because I had trouble reading but instead they praised me because of my father’s affair. Girls wanted to know all of the details and guys asked if my dad paid me money to keep it quiet. My sister was surrounded by her friends who loved hearing about her angst.

I liked being left alone and usually avoided crowds. My mother became more involved in my school stuff now that she didn’t have dad to worry about. I hated how smothering she was being but knew she needed a hobby. Dad had threatened to take the house from her unless she let him see us. Mom still refused and hence Simone and I were in the middle of their bull****.

I couldn’t wait to be old enough to go to college. My brothers hardly came home anymore. I knew they wanted to avoid mom. She tried to keep herself busy by being involved in everything. Simone loved the attention while I usually put on my headphones to tune her out. I just wanted everything to go back to normal but I knew this was as normal as it would get.

The kids:

“Okay guys this is how it is going to go. We will sneak up on Ryan and bombard him with snowballs!” Brad stated.

Simone and Jamie giggled and nodded. They all ran off to their other brother Ryan and their they ambushed Brad.

“Haha, get up sucker!” Simone screamed.

“You tricked me!” Brad screamed as he struggled to get out of the snow. He brushed some snow off of his coat and struggled to get out of the deep snow.

“Come on Brad, you and Jamie against me and Simone!” Ryan screamed to his elder brother.

“You guys are going down!” Brad screamed as Jamie stood next to him with snow balls ready.

This was war.

Secrets

Jake:

I met Lora a year after my mother’s death. I was at the court house testifying about a case when I literally ran into her. She was crying and ran into me. I caught her before she fell and I was amazed by how beautiful she was. At that point in my marriage, Jo and I hardly slept together. She was always busy with the kids or volunteering at the kids’ schools.

Lora and I began dating in secret. At first it was late night dinners at restaurants in the neighboring town. Then it evolved into nights clubbing with cheap drinks and music blaring in our ears. Eventually I began to visit her at her home, luckily she lived on the other side of town. Being with Lora was great, she was into kinky things that Jo would never try. Also when I didn’t visit her I began to have urges more often. My hands would shake for the need to …hurt someone. Lora stabilized me…she became a drug to me and I was officially addicted.

——————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————

“DADDY!” Simone screamed as she swung higher on the swing I had brought her for her 10th birthday.

“Hey honey, how was school?” I said with a smile.

“Daddy, it’s summer! School isn’t for another month!” Simone said with a giggle as she continued to swing. I stood there for a minute and stared at my youngest child. She looked so much like Jo with her auburn hair and freckles. I hadn’t been around my children in months since I spent all of nights with Lora. I waved to my three boys as they ran past me into the house. When had they gotten so big? When had Brad and Ryan developed muscles? When did Jamie get so tall?

I walked into the house and heard Jo humming from the bathroom. I stepped inside and pulled her close to me.

“Woah, where is this coming from honey?”  Jo said with a smile.

” You look beautiful honey. When did you become so beautiful?” I said with a smile as I stared at her. Her face had aged slightly over the years but she seemed to be more beautiful. She was wise and gorgeous. It felt as if I was seeing her for the first time.

“I haven’t seen you much lately darling. We need a vacation. You are always away at work or on stake outs. It isn’t fair honey the children miss you. Brad is already in college and Ryan just finished his senior year in high school. Jamie is going to be a freshman next year and Simone isn’t fair behind. They need to see you more. I need to see you more.” Jo said softly as she put her hands on on my face and stared into my eyes.

“I’m trying honey, I promise I’m trying.” I replied. I had to choke back the emotion that I felt building. It had been years since she had held me like this…since we had spoken like this. Jo looked so fragile at that moment…and so beautiful.

Jo went to cook dinner after we spent some time getting reacquainted. I went to look for the kids and saw them in the distance at the beach. I ran down the shore to ensure they were okay. My heart was pounding wildly as I thought of all the things that could happen to them. I barely knew them anymore and they hardly saw me. I was no better than my mother…the mother who I constantly screamed at for negligence. I had no other family except for this… my children and Jo were all that I had left. Charlie hated me and would never talk to me. I couldn’t fix that and I wasn’t sure I should. What I did to Daniela…was horrible and I know it but I wasn’t sorry. I still had urges…I still craved the feeling of blood beneath my fingertips and a corpse at my feet. I just hoped my children didn’t pay for my actions like Leon had.

I stopped in my tracks when I noticed my children. Brad was telling the children a story. They were engaged and terrified of the scary story. Yet I listened to the murder story all I could is critique it in my mind. As he spoke  about the chase between the victim and perpetrator, my mind reminisced on my own experiences and my hands began to shake. My mouth felt dry as Brad said “blood cascaded from the lady’s stab wound”. I craved the sensations that filled me as I chased down a victim or when the begged me for their life.

I texted Lora saying we had to meet tonight.  After I called the kids in for dinner, we all spoke about their day. I helped Jo do the dishes and told her I had to leave to check on a case. I promised her I would be home before she woke up. As usual Jo was understanding and asked me to be safe. I helped her tuck in Jamie and Simone before I left.

I drove quickly to Lora’s house and reached it in record time. She opened the door with a coy smile.

“Missed me?” Lora asked

I grinned and kissed her with passion I had never shown Jo.

“I missed you Jay.” She said with a smile as she trailed her fingers up and down my arms.

“I need you Lora. I need you now.” I said gruffly as I began pulling her jacket off.  She began kissing me and was taking off her pants.

We never made it to the bedroom.

Simone and Jamie:

“Did you read that gossip tabloid about Dad?” Simone whispered.

“Yeah.. ” Jamie said softly as he ran his fingers through his hair.

“Do you think its true? Do you think Dad could do something like that?”Simone said softly. Standing out under the light, she looked a lot like her mother.

Jamie sighed and said, “Honestly, I hope not.”

 

 

Full House

Harmony:

“Tell me more about Lebanon nana!” Ryan asked excitedly as I read to him from the travel book. Ryan was always curious about different places.

I chuckled as I told him about the arid heat and the smell of spices in the market places. Eventually I began to tell him about his grandfather, Rahim.

“What was he like?” Ryan asked with a smile. As I was about to answer Brad hopped onto the bed with his younger brother Jamie trailing behind him. The three boys got under the covers to listen to my stories of Rahim. Brad occasionally interrupted with questions and Ryan would shush him. Jamie giggled at his older brothers’ banter.

I continued answering their questions and telling stories until they fell fast asleep. I tucked the boys in and kissed their foreheads before dimming the lamp. I walked into the hallway and almost bumped into Jo.

She carried my grand-daughter, Simone on her hip.  Simone was an exact replica of Jo and was an unexpected surprise. It was only when Jo began to feel ill that we realized she was pregnant once again.

My son, Jake absolutely adored his little girl. She often got her way simply by pouting at her poor father. I had never seen Jake so gullible until he was in Simone’s clutches.

The whole family seemed to almost be whole again. I remembered the dark days when Leon was taken from us. A part of me felt that Jake somehow felt responsible for Leon’s disappearance.  It wasn’t until Jo gave birth to Ryan that she began to be herself again. Now the house was filled with love and laughter. I thought of my own mother and I wished she was here to see all of this. A household filled with grandchildren, I only wished I saw my eldest grandchild Daniel. Though Charlie and Daniela refused to come near the house. I hadn’t seen them in over ten years. I often received letters and pictures with updates of their lives. Daniel was applying to college and Charlie was doing well in his career.

It was as I thought of Charlie, that the sharp pain traveled up my arm. I knew right away it was a heart attack…years of nights working the emergency room taught me the signs.  I felt myself sink to the floor as I gripped my chest. I felt the life leaving my body as I lay against the wall. I could hear Jo screaming and Simone yelling for “Daddy”. Their voices seemed to fade as I felt myself leaving my body.

“Harmony….you look beautiful.” Rahim said with a smile as he appeared in front of me.

He looked exactly the way I remembered…wavy black hair…tanned skin and gorgeous smile. I looked down at my wrinkled hands and watched as they transformed. My gray hair turned the light blond it once had been. My skin firmed and I ran my fingers over my face. I couldn’t stop the grin that spread from ear to ear on my face.

“I have missed you..” Rahim said softly as he embraced me.

It wasn’t until my lips met his that I knew….I was in heaven.

Jake:

“Nana” Ryan screamed.

I could hear my youngest son Jamie sniffling in the background and Jo struggling to hold back her own tears. The kids were screaming and crying as the medical personnel stood over my mother’s corpse.

From my own experience, I knew she was dead the moment I saw her. It was Simone’s cries and Jo’s screams that awoken me. It was Jo who gathered Simone into her arms. She sobbed there until the paramedics came.  It was Brad who ushered the younger children to bed.

Brad and Ryan:

“I can’t believe nana is dead Ry.” Brad said as he munched on one of Jo’s creations. Their younger sister loved to bake and her two older brothers didn’t mind being her taste testers. She was actually not bad and they often volunteered to taste whatever she made.

“I know, I’m really going to miss her. Mom is completely broken up about it. It’s been over a year and mom still cries about it.” Ryan said as he licked his fingers.

The boys listened as they heard their mother and Jamie speaking upstairs.

“Mommy please don’t cry.” Jamie said softly as he stared at his mother. He was often the one to speak to his mom when she became really sad. It was only him who was able to reach her.

The family:

“You know, dad I have to apply for colleges soon. I am think of going away.” Ryan pondered aloud. Ryan was at the top of his class and was already a year ahead due to his intelligence. While he excelled mentally it was Brad who excelled socially. Brad had tons of friends and was always invited to one party or another.

“Why would you want to go away?” Jo asked softly as she sipped her tea. She couldn’t bear to see any of her children leave the nest. It was always easier to hide the depression that sometimes filled her when she was surrounded by her children. Jo dreaded the day when all of her children grew up and left her home. Her husband was always gone, his cases filled his weekends. Jake would disappear into the nights ever since that fateful day when Leon disappeared. Jo knew she should question him but she couldn’t bear to face the truth. If he was cheating on her or something worse…she simply couldn’t bear it. Therefore it was easier to pretend that nothing was wrong and that emptiness didn’t fill her…every second….of every day.

“Mom they have a great science program.” Ryan said with a smile.

“You are only a sophomore, why are you thinking about college?” Jake said as he gulped his coffee.

“Dad, it doesn’t hurt to plan ahead.” Brad said with a shrug.

“Says the boy who picked his college by flipping a coin,” Jake said with annoyance as he opened his paper.

“I did not flip a coin! I covered my eyes and picked a school. Everyone does it!” Brad defended.

“Calm down Jake! Brad has a pretty good scholarship for next year.” Jo said with a smile.

“I’m hoping to apply for scholarships too, that’s why I’m trying to apply early.” Ryan explained.

“Mom I’m tired.” Jamie said with a yawn.

Jo smiled and hurried her youngest son up to bed. Once he was asleep, Jo went to check on her daughter Simone. As usual Simone was sitting in bed waiting for her bed time story.

“There once was a beautiful little girl name Harmony and she met a young prince named Rahim..” Jo began.

“I like this story already!” Simone said with a huge smile as she snuggled into her covers.

Would you?

Brad:

“Daddy do you put a lot of bad guys in jail?” I asked excitedly as I watched my dad stumble into the kitchen. Mommy said he worked late so that we could be safe. My Uncle Charlie was a sergeant but I didn’t see him or my cousin Danny much. They came by on holidays or usually when Dad was away at a conference or something.

“Yes little man…to keep you and your mama safe.” Dad said as he patted my head. “You need a haircut champ, tell your mom to give you money for the barber.”

I nodded and grabbed my backpack as the school bus honked it’s horn. My dad wished me a good day and I was off on my way. My little brother Ryan was in my mother’s arms as she waved me goodbye. He was born a year after my little brother Leon went missing. Ryan looked exactly like Leon with blond hair and green eyes except he wasn’t sick. It had been two years since he went missing, my parents never spoke about him. The police searched for months and my grandmother even went on the news to ask for his safe return. Though he never came home…instead my parents had another baby who looked exactly like him.

Jake:

“Honey, I have great news!” Jo screamed as she wrapped her arms around me.

“What’s up honey?” I asked with a smile as I held her close. I wanted nothing more than to go out to let my monster loose..it had been weeks since I had blood beneath my fingernails.

“We are having another baby sweetie!” Jo squealed.

I gasped as I stared at her tummy. I hoped for a girl..Jo had been hoping for a girl for years. When Leon went missing, I had almost lost her. She was so deep in depression that she barely spoke. She blamed herself for his disappearance despite my reassurance that it wasn’t. The police had thought it strange that no note had been left. No ransom had been demanded and no trace of my son Leon had been found. My brothers in blue had searched high and low for my child but came up empty. I searched in places they would hesitate to enter.

It had nearly broke my heart when I would come home empty handed every night. Jo’s tearstained face haunted me every night as I searched. It wasn’t until I returned to squad car one night that I gave up my search. In my torn leather seat lay a small package. I looked around in the deserted parking lot but of course found nothing. I got inside of the car and drove to a remote location. I opened the package with trembling hands when a note fell out.

Give up your nightly activities….or another member of your family will be next.

-M

In my hand was a small bundle and I recognized Leon’s baby blanket instantly. It was covered with dried blood and a baby’s body lay inside. I felt the bile climb my throat as I dropped the body onto my lap. The blond curls still covered his decaying body and his skin had turned a graying color. I had never felt loss….never had I felt regret…but as I held his tiny body. As I stared at his emotionless face, tears streaked down my face. I held him close to me and sobbed. I sobbed for the loss of a child who had done nothing wrong. A child whose only sin was being of my lineage. A lineage tainted by murder and ….crimes I myself refuse to admit.

I drove  and drove until the sun touched the horizon. My son’s decaying body wrapped tightly in baby blanket by my side until I reached my destination. I found a rocky path that led to a cliff dive. I cradled Leon’s body close to me as I sat at the edge. The mist of the sea hit me as I sat there with his small body in my arms. I rocked him as I said, “Leon, I know…I know you wondered where is daddy. That is what kills me son…I wasn’t there to protect you. You were only a baby. If he could get you then what about your mother..your big brother….your new baby brother or sister. I can’t lose anyone else…I can’t….I just freaking can’t.”

I kissed his fluffy blond curls and sat up. I placed him softly on the ground before finding a soft spot nearby to bury him. I dug with my bare hands until my knuckles were bloody. The earth burned my bruised and bloodied skin as I laid him inside the shallow grave.

“I hope it’s a girl baby.” I said as I got to one knee and kissed her tummy. She blushed and said, “How will we tell Brad?”

I groaned at the prospect. It had taken forever for Brad to accept Ryan. He had lashed out and refused to acknowledge his sibling for weeks.

—————————————————————————————————————————————————————————–

“Brad, how do you feel about having another little brother?” I asked softly as I sat on Brad’s bed.

“Another one?” Brad said softly.

“Yes another one. How would you feel about that?” I asked

“Well….I don’t know….do I have to have one?” Brad mumbled as he stared at the comforter.

“Well, your mother and I are really excited about having another baby. We want you to be happy too. You and Ryan are going to be big brothers.” I said with a smile.

Brad rolled his eyes, “Ry still eats his boogers! How is he going to be a big brother?”

I chuckled as I said, “Well maybe you can show him…can you handle that?”

“Well I guess I could…I mean if you want me too.” Brad said softly as he stared at me. I smiled and said, “Who else could show him how to be the best big brother ever?”

Ry grinned as he began to recite all of the things he and Ry would teach the new baby. Eventually his eyes began to close and his head sunk into the pillow. I kissed his forehead and reached to turn off the light.

“Don’t, he’s afraid of the dark.” Jo whispered from the doorway with Ryan asleep in her arms.

I took our sleeping son from her arms and walked with her to his crib. We tucked him into his crib which was in our room. All of the children’s rooms were only a few steps away from our bedroom. It wasn’t until Jo fell asleep in my arms that I really wondered, what did the future hold for our children. Would they ever find out that the father who kissed their foreheads and chased monsters away was a murderer?

I looked at Jo as I wondered, “Would she love me if she knew…?

 

Blood Price

Harmony:

I wish you were here Rahim…it has been over thirty years since I have seen you. I still think of you everyday and wonder how you are. I wish you could have seen the men our boys have become sweetheart. Charlie is a father to a beautiful little boy name Daniel. He’s around five now and is such a shy little thing. Charles and his wife Daniela perfect for each other. She is a teacher and Charles is a decorated sergeant. I am thinking of moving in with them and retiring from the hospital. Now that Bliss is gone…and the boys are grown it’s difficult to see the point of living sometimes. My body is constantly rattled with aches and pains Rahim. I have never stopped loving you…never.

Though I continue working and living to care for Jake. Something isn’t right with that boy and maybe it was the grief I suffered at your death but he isn’t right. He looks at me with such hatred in his eyes that it chills me down to my bones. The only time I see his eyes light up is when it comes to his family. He is getting married in a few hours at this very spot. They already had a little boy, Brad and I suspected another was on the way..

“Mom?” Charlie asked.

I turned around with a smile as Daniel came running towards me with a grin. I hugged him tight as Charlie said, “Come on mom we have to get ready the wedding is going to start soon.”

——————————————————————————————————————————————————————————

The family:

 

Three years later:

Jake:

“How is our little man doing? I asked as I held Jo close.

“He is still a little sick from his cold but Leon is okay.” She answered with a smile.

Jo and I had two boys, Leon and Brad. Brad was our oldest and was a three year old terror. Leon was our youngest and was often sick with one cold or another. He was a grumpy little baby that hated to be put down. Jo would sometimes be up late into the night rocking him while I slept for work the next morning. Our eldest Brad loved when Jo would tell him stories as she held him.

She spoiled our boys with love and even being pregnant with another didn’t slow her down.

I adored Jo and her innocence and compassion helped me to curb my monster. I still occasionally felt the need…the urge to hurt others…to get blood beneath my fingers once more. Sometimes I slipped and would follow my urges and be forced to disappear into the night to kill some prostitute or hobo. Though when I would come home and see Jo with one of our boys in her arms…I felt disgust at my actions.

—————————————————————————————————————————————————————————–

My oldest son Brad was smart little kid who was fascinated with television and cooking. He would often watch a movie or two with me but other than that he was a zombie to the tube.

My other son Leon was only a toddler but loved to read. He was smart like I had been as a kid. He was an exact replica of my mother with his fair blonde hair and gray eyes. It was difficult to see the features of my mother on my son. I still despised her but curbed it around my children. They adored their nana and her medical experience was useful with Leon. He was always sick and had a bad case of asthma.

For now my life was stable…and peaceful…but that all changed when we woke up to an empty crib. Our son Leon was taken from our room while we slept. In his bed was simply a note… “We aren’t so different my friend…as I said every one of those faces in your mind was someone’s child. Now you shall know the feeling of loss.”- M

The rage I felt filled my body….my hands shook as I crumbled the note in my shaking hands. Martin…he would pay….he would pay dearly. It was time to let my monster out of his cage once more.

Monster inside

Jake:

I woke up in the hospital a few hours later. My captain and a few others were standing around me. My mother was asleep by my bedside and my brother was staring out the window.

When I opened my eyes, my captain gave me a quick recap and congratulated me on my bravery. They found all of the missing girls and a few children that were not reported.  The blonde’s name was Marsha Van Guten and she was a sadistic woman who tortured the girls for pleasure. Every  night she allowed various men to either torture or rape the woman for a small fee. The children were by request from known pedophiles. She and her henchman Martin were siblings and lovers. I wounded her when I shot her but Martin was able to get away. They were still searching for her.

Once the captain and several other officers left it was only my family left. Samantha even stopped by and thanked me for saving her sister. Then she slapped me for lying to her all of these months. I chuckled and said, “I always knew you liked it rough.” She cursed at me and hurried out of the room.

“You are an asshole, you know that brother?”  Charlie said with a sad smile as he gazed at our sleeping mother.

I shrugged despite the pain it caused to my side.

“She’s been worried sick about you Jake. You could have checked in with her you know? We all have been worried, I had to call in a lot of favors just to find out you were undercover. Why do you have to be so damn difficult?” Charlie hissed as he glared at me.

“Why do you have to be such a dick!?” I said with a smirk as I answered him. “How is sweet Daniela? Tell her I know she misses me.”

Charlie took a step toward me and in that moment I saw such rage and hatred in his eyes. My easygoing brother….I had finally cracked his shell.

“She told me what you did to her…she told me how you…you…” Charlie shook with rage as he whispered.

“Pleasured her? Made her scream? Because I did all of those things.” I retorted with a grin as I dared him to hit me.

“You f—-king raped her. She is my wife you asshole and you…you hurt her like some common slut. I should kill you…I should cut your….” Charlie began as his voice faltered with rage.

I shook my head as I chuckled. “Tsk..tsk brother…your beginning to sound like me. Careful now…your anger is showing? Do you feel that? Do you feel that hatred, that power…that rage…that is how I feel everyday. It’s exhilarating you know?”

“F— you and stay away from me and my family. You are dead to me.” Charlie stood over my bed with his gun at my head. I felt the coolness of the pistol at my temper and my eyes never left his.

“Honey?” My mom said softly as she began to wake. Charlie quickly put his gun away and helped my mother to stand up.

“I was worried sick about you. They said you saved all of those girls…I’m so proud of you. You are a hero!” Mom said tearfully as she hugged me tight. I made myself hug her despite the disgust I felt at touching her. Even after all of these years I still hated her for the neglect. Her very presence annoyed me and made me feel the urge to kill.

—————————————————————————————————————————————————————————-

I was released from the hospital a week later and walked through the university neighborhood one more time. I was due to return home in a few days and wanted to feel freedom one more time.

“Oh look the little cop is all bandaged up and ready to return home” said a voice.

I turned around and saw Martin….the asshole. “You!” I screamed as I rushed toward him. He quickly dodged out of the way and chuckled. I took a swing at him and missed once more. I tried again and again I missed. He moved to fast…to fast to be human.

“What are you?” I sneered as I felt the rage building up inside of me. He chuckled and said, ” I bet you ask yourself the same question Jacob.”

“What are you talking about? I am nothing like you.” I hissed as I turned my head away.

“Oh really? Nothing like me? What about those two men you killed and blamed on my sister and I? You say you are nothing like me and what separates you from me?” Martin said with a smile. His eyes appeared to glow as he spoke.

“I would never hurt a child!” I retorted as I spat on the grass near his feet.

Martin chuckled and his laughter seemed to echo in my head.

“All of the people you kill….I see them in your head. There are so many faces in your memories, I wonder how you sleep?  Every person you killed was someone’s child…someone’s daughter or son before you let your hands snuff out the candle of their life. Their pleas for mercy filled your ears and you chose to ignore it. Different? We couldn’t more the same. I crave the screams of children when i f—, the fear in their eyes exhilarates me. I see in your eyes you need the same rush when you f’—- those women. They beg you to stop and you get turned on from their pain. We are practically brothers Jacob.” Martin chuckled as his eyes met mine.

“You will never be normal Jacob..you will never be the man that your brother is. You are beyond him and you have to accept that you are a killer. Accept it….that monster inside you is as much a part of you as you are a part of it.” Martin said with a smile before disappearing into the night.

I looked around and saw no trace of him…I wondered if I had ever seen him at all.

A year later…

The brunette from that night was  Joanna Stall. She thanked me for saving her a few weeks after I was released from the hospital. It was a slow process…to actually date her. I took her out to romantic dinners and got to learn her favorite books. It felt strange to feel this way about someone but after a year I was sure I cared for her.

Of course, she had no idea what I did on the weekends. I couldn’t let her know what a monster I was…I couldn’t lose her.